W oof! I have been worrying about this for a long time now. I have tried to ignore the evidence, but I just can’t. The smells… the looks on their faces… I can no longer deny it. I think my two-legged pack-dad and pack-mom are cheating on me. What the woof!

It all started a couple of years ago when they would come home from being out drinking their yellow fizzy water and eating two-legger food. When they came home, I would notice a little bit of a dog smell on them. To be clear, it was not MY dog smell.

At first, I wasn’t too worried because I figured that some four-legger just brushed up against them. But ultimately, I had to stop lying to myself. It was…The Other Dog.

Most recently, they went to that place with the fake grass where they drink fizzy water. I knew they went there because I know that fake grass smell – and it was on them. They didn’t even try to hide anything from me. My pack-dad even had dog hair on him. Dog hair! Try explaining that one to me! Worse yet, I think they’re cattin’ around all over the place because I’m smelling more than one dog on them. What the woof?! Huzzie hoomans!

I try to tell them that I would appreciate a little more loyalty, but it seems to be falling on deaf ears. When they get home, I bump their hands with the end of my nose (which is what I do when I’m a little bit ticked at them). Sometimes, I give them my cutest sad eyes thinking they might see the error of their ways. Nothing seems to work. They’re out there rubbing and scratching other dogs without a care in the world.

I ask myself why I deserve this. I bring the ball back every single time. I guard the pack-den against bad guys and even run them off with my famous warrior call, “Bahroooo!” (I can honestly say that not one single bad guy has gotten into our pack-den, not even the ones that dress up all brown like a chocolate lab and attack our den in their big brown roller boxes. They try to sneak up, but I scare them away. They always leave a box or something on the front porch.)

So… The bottom line is this. My two-leggers are cheating on me. They act like nothing’s going on, but I know better. Maybe I’ll just make some more two-legger friends. Ha! We pups can play this game, too!

Jim McCoy